Jazil

Do people still izzle-ate? I really don't keep up, but I certainly hope not. It's been long enough... A few weeks ago, I caught a bit of the Country Music Awards. Trace Adkins, surrounded by scantily-clad, perpetually smiling (like spawns of the Joker) women, finished a performance by saying, "This is what we do what we do. It's all about the badonkadonk." Yes, I realize that might not be a word-for-word exact quote. I was too grossed out and insulted to take notes. There was so much wrong with that scene. Sooo much. Recently, there's been an attempt to merge contemporary country with some elements of hip hop culture. I'd be okay with this if it were done seamlessly, but having a greasy, middle-aged white guy leering at women while donning lyrical blackface is just too jarring. When I saw Cowboy Troy for the first time, I smiled. Yes, a Black country singer is a bit of a novelty (it shouldn't be), but what really got me was how bashfully cute he was. And he shook his ass in a way that no heterosexual white country singer would naturally allow himself. The camera kept cutting away from him and his booty-shaking in the video for "I Play Chicken With the Train" ostensibly so country music watchers wouldn't, to quote Margaret Cho, have a "homo-moment." Cowboy Troy's rapping and boasting, especially of impressing Tim McGraw (yeah, Tim McGraw), was strangely endearing. I know a lot of it, unfortunately for me, had to do with that novelty factor. Of course, it wasn't just a "Hey, looky! A colored-fella's on GAC! Bless my spurs!" No, I had a very liberal moment. I envisioned a world where people of every nationality would feel free to sing slick, over-polished, patronizing ditties without fear of discrimination. I wouldn't put it on par with Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat, but considering how pathetically backward we're becoming under Bush, I take my little liberal bong hits where I can get them. But Trace Adkins' performance wasn't even remotely cute. Trace Adkins is the guy you smile and have sex with because he's paying you for it. He's no one you aspire to lay. You don't brag about something like that. Sure, you may bring it up in conversation, but only in a "please pity me, for I have had sex with that dirtball Trace Adkins" way. I once knew a girl who was really proud of having had sex with Woody Harrelson. I don't think I smoke enough pot to envy that. Beyond the staged and canned eroticism of the act though, it was Adkins' use of the term "Badonkadonk" that really got me. Blues, Jazz, Rock 'n Roll.... Now Badonkadonk. The line must be drawn here, no further! I'm not against all white guys talking crunk....just the creepy, crusty old ones that can't pull it off. Though, I suppose, if there's anyone who knows badonkadonk, it's crusty old white guys who patronize Midwestern honky tonks.